Boston Fanfiction
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: After their show is cancelled, Alan and Denny console themselves that there is always fanfiction.


_Galaxy1001D Presents..._

**Boston Fanfiction**

By Galaxy1001D

_Boston Legal is the property of ABC and David E. Kelly. The author may not make a profit from this story in any way._

On the balcony of Denny Crane's high rise condominium, two men were sitting in comfortable chairs and sharing a bottle of scotch.

"So you quit the firm?" Denny asked.

"That's right," Alan Shore nodded. "Without your name on the door, it seemed pointless to stay. If the new owners want to win cases, let 'em hire new talent. I won't be a slave to the man unless Denny Crane's name is on the door."

"So what are you doing?" Denny asked him. "I haven't been coming to work as much since it became 'Chang, Poole, and Schmidt'."

"Well, Jerry and I thought about going into business for ourselves," Alan replied, then paused to take a puff of his cigar. "'Espenson and Shore', that sounds like a nice name for a law firm."

"Your name ought to be in front, Alan," Denny scolded.

"Nonsense," Alan made a dismissing gesture with his hand. "He has experience in running his own firm and besides, it's more alphabetical this way."

Denny took a sip of his scotch, looked out at the Boston cityscape, and sighed. "I can't believe our show is cancelled."

"Well don't despair," Alan shrugged. "There's always fan fiction."

"Fan fiction?" Denny looked at his friend. "What's that?"

"It's what happens when people at home write stories about characters from television and movies." Alan drawled. "You know. They post 'em on line or in 'zines. The first fan fiction stories were about Star Trek back in the 1970's."

"Star Trek?" Denny seemed actually interested. "Really?"

"Oh yeah," Alan nodded. "Some the earliest stories were Kirk-Spock slashes."

"Slashes?" Denny asked. "Is that a literary term?"

"A slash fic is what they call a story where the main characters are depicted as homosexuals."

"Homosexuals?" Denny snorted. "Are they insinuating that Kirk and Spock were _gay_?"

"I thought you were over your homophobia, Denny," Alan chided. "After all, you married me didn't you?"

"Well, that's different," Denny snorted. "Captain Kirk is an American icon!"

"So is Denny Crane, you know," Alan teased.

"Yes, but we're not gay," Denny insisted.

"That's right," Alan nodded. "We just love each other, that's all."

"They wrote about Kirk and Spock being gay?" Denny seemed to be having trouble seeing it.

"Well, most of the writers were women, and they couldn't stand the thought of either Kirk or Spock being with another woman," Alan replied. "So they wrote romances about the two of them."

"I see," Denny conceded. "When you put it that way, I guess it isn't that bad. But the gay Kirk they're writing about is that guy in the new movie coming out next year," he insisted. "Not the original Kirk from the sixties."

"Perish the thought," Alan joked.

"So what do these people in the fan fiction do anyway?" Denny asked. "Aside of being homos, that is."

"Well, they do anything the authors want, Denny," Alan mused. "They love, they fight… Lots of them are just what the characters were thinking during a certain episode, you know that sort of thing."

"Really," Denny uttered with exaggerated surprise.

"Oh yes," Alan nodded. "They can even die or act incredibly out of character. The fan fiction sites don't exactly screen the stories that hard you know."

"They die?" Denny said in disbelief. "Why would the author have that happen? I thought they wrote because they liked those characters or something."

"Well lots of the writers of fan fiction are moody Edgar Allen Poe types," Alan shrugged. "They write to get those negative feelings out of their system."

"Sounds like those people are really messed up," Denny snorted.

"Well, they probably are," Alan conceded, "but you have to remember that you have to suffer to write."

"Sounds like they're a bunch of mamby-pambies who can't handle the real world," Denny grumbled.

"The real world can be a cruel place," Alan muttered. "It's a place where ABC can end a show on a whim unless it does well at the Emmys or they get a bunch of fan mail."

"But there's always fan fiction?" Denny said questioningly.

"Yes, there's always fan fiction," Alan replied.

Denny considered this. "Okay, if we're in fan fiction, why don't we fight pirates?"

Alan snorted in laughter. "Please Denny, fighting pirates isn't us."

"We could fight terrorists then," Denny proposed. "I thought you said that anything could happen in these fan fictions of yours, even um... have the protagonists act really out of character."

"Well, yes, I suppose, but the popular stories feature the characters being mostly _in character_," Alan tried to stop smiling.

"Fighting terrorists would be in character for us," Alan insisted.

"No it wouldn't. I don't even like guns," Alan shook his head.

"You democrats don't like anything but more government," Denny fumed. He looked his friend in the eye. "Look Alan, I don't want this to be a boring fragment that's just there to get inside of our heads. Those stories are boring, and if there is one thing that Denny Crane isn't is boring."

Alan grinned one of his ironic smiles. "You're never boring, Denny."

"So what should our fan fiction story be about?" Denny asked.

"Well, romances are the most popular," Alan offered. "That's what the readers really want, anyhow."

"You'll have to put on a sheep costume first," Denny snorted.

"Well, I only offered it since we are newlyweds, don't 'cha know," Alan smirked. "Tell you what. To ensure that I'm attentive to my spouse's needs, why don't I suck on one of your belongings? Something phallic, in order to give us some sexual symbolism."

"How about one of my cigars?" Denny gestured to a cigar box that was placed on the table between them. "I got us Cubans, for the holidays."

"Why thank you, Denny," Alan drawled while reaching into the cigar box. "Don't mind if I do."

"Don't do anything kinky with it or I'm taking it back," Denny warned him kiddingly.

"Oh don't worry," Alan said as he took a pocket knife out of his jacket. "First I'm going to circumcise it," he said cutting off the tip, "and then I'm going to stimulate the tip, getting it red hot," he added as he fished a lighter out of his pocket and then ignited it. "And then I'm going to put my mouth around it," he finished then he took a puff.

"Are you trying to make me stop smoking?" Denny asked him.

"Well, I've got to look after your health," Alan lazily quipped. "I wouldn't want anybody thinking that I married you for your money."

"Okay," Denny conceded as he lit a cigar himself. He looked out into the night sky for a moment and then said, "Okay, we can do fan fiction."

"Good," Alan nodded.

"Next time we get to fight pirates," Denny insisted.

"Johnny Depp won't know what hit him." Alan agreed as the two clinked their glasses together in a silent toast.

END


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